By: Jeremy
One of the most common things to do as we hit the New Year is to make some type of New Year’s Resolution. Usually the focus is on diet, exercise, or trying some new (or correcting some old) habits. The motivation behind it all, though, is a desire to be this ideal person, the person that we think we should be. Yesterday, as Tim was introducing Greg Paul (Sanctuary Toronto), he referred to seeing him as a ‘guru.’ Those of us who have been involved with the community, like Tim and I, look up to and admire people like Greg Paul or Rick Tobias (Yonge Street Mission). That’s what ministry, leadership and faith should look like.
As I think about my own journey, whether I take the time to sort out my vocation or am able to find work, there’s this feeling that I’m wasting time. Many people have asked me how work has been going since starting at the school board. My response has been mixed. Although I enjoy some of the work, I feel like I’m biding my time until the next step. In my mind I know this is part of the process and I can see how this will help me in the future; but sometimes I wonder “is this year going to be a waste?” I’m not talking about wasting away an evening by playing games, but a season of time that almost feels like a waste. You may know what I’m thinking through when you find yourself asking “what am I doing?”, “where am I going?”, or “what’s the point of this?” Maybe it’s a relationship or even a job, but this fear that it’s a waste leads us to reveal what’s hidden underneath: disappointment in who we are.
Wasted time is the opposite of purposeful time. We all want to be purposeful, we want to do things that mean something, and maybe we aren’t in a situation where that’s happening. I wonder when we are in these situations, do we start to think, “maybe I’m not good enough”? The idea that we are not good enough is one we often try to hide. When we get God involved, it makes the picture even messier. We look at people like Greg or Rick and think, “I wish God would use me like that.” We become more interested in what God can do for us, than who He really is. I wonder if for many of us we need to acknowledge our brokenness, our inadequacies and let God heal us. Perhaps there’s an invitation for God to remind us of our calling to simply follow Him and have faith that we will be made into His image. Maybe that’s when we will start to live more freely, when our only desire is Him.