By: Jeremy
And we urge you…encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone else.
~ 1 Thess 5:14, NIV
As I’ve been teaching my class on Youth at Risk and doing more counseling, a major theme has come up in those discussions and it didn’t matter whether it was in a church setting or a school setting. Want to know what it is? It’s this: When individuals went through a painful experience in their lives, no one ever asked them directly about it. Whether it was a parent’s divorce, depression, an eating disorder, suicide, grief, substance abuse, no one would ever ask them how they were doing in regards to that specific issue. You might get the occasional “you doing ok?” with an expectation that you simply say, “yes.” You might get the occasional “I’ll pray for you,” but, to really ask them what was happening, that was rare, if not non-existent.
Why?
It’s not like they are uncomfortable talking about it. If anything, it’s been painfully obvious to me that they desire to talk. I meet with so many individuals who in my first meeting just can’t stop talking because they finally have permission to do so. They desire to do so, but are so scared to, wondering if they will be accepted or not, wondering if it’s “safe” enough, wondering if they will be a burden to others. So often, they just keep it inside because they’ve never been asked. Yet, all they are looking for is for a community to hold them safe, to have the permission to share their vulnerabilities and insecurities.
But, if they want to talk, then why don’t we ask those questions?
If we are honest with ourselves, the reason why we don’t ask is not because we think they will be uncomfortable, but because we will be. We don’t want to enter into the struggle, the pain, the brokenness, because we don’t want to be uncomfortable. We would rather pretend everything is ok, so that we can move on with our own lives. I don’t think it’s because we don’t care, rather it’s because we feel powerless to do anything, as we feel like we can’t change the situation to make it better. What, then, is the point? We don’t want to be “stuck” because it’s too hard of a situation to talk about.
Yet, the gospel is all about discomfort. The gospel doesn’t promise us that everything in this world will be resolved where situations will be wrapped up nice and tidily; instead it’s going to be messy. You might not be able to change their circumstance, and often times, that’s not what we are called to do. Perhaps the gospel of discomfort is that we are called to invite people into safety regardless of how we feel, that in times of trouble, we will experience community together.