Today was our “fun” day of outdoor activities. We had one teamwork activity where we had to get across the “lava” with a limited number of planks. I somehow ended up in the front and had to position the plank onto the next branch. I didn’t really pay attention to all the instructions (I know. It’s shocking), so I placed the plank on the ground. Guess what? It got taken away. So, our plan with 4 planks got reduced to 3. We eventually moved along and the adjusted plan was working. Our facilitator then placed an extra plank back on the course for us to use. Again, I somehow ended up in the front, didn’t get a good grasp of it, and not surprisingly, dropped it again and it got taken away. Twice, I literally dropped the plank. Thankfully, everyone was supportive and didn’t give me too much of a hard time, so we made it through.
As I was reflecting, I thought about if I didn’t have the support of those around me, how easy it would be for me to just give up. More than that, I was reflecting on how easy it is for me to give up when I start to fail or to de-value what I’ve done if I didn’t get the result I was hoping for. This is actually reflective of “all or nothing” thinking. What’s more interesting is this is the second time it’s unexpectedly come up for me this month, so I figured I should pay some attention to it.
As I’m processing, I’m beginning to wonder how much of my self-worth is tied into the things I do and the expectations I place on myself to do them. Yesterday, I wrote about feeling freedom this week, but perhaps on a daily basis I actually carry around a ton of pressure and expectation that I may not even realize.
Jer