By: Jer
We had an extended period of silence today and had the chance to pray through Psalm 23. It struck me how active God is in this passage. Right in the first few verses, it says, “He makes me…He leads me…He refreshes my soul…He guides me…” It’s all about Him. He is the Author and Initiator of all things. As I was reflecting on this, I started to wonder if this way of living was actually true in my own life.
At the very beginning of our first residential, we were given these awesome personalized journals that made feel like I had to use it right away. After reading this passage, I took some time to read through my journal and I noticed something. There was one word that stood out and it’s this: Easy. In a lot of my writing, there was this consistent theme of desiring an easier Christian life. Whether it was about spending more time in prayer, reaching out to others, or simply being a better husband and father; I found that I was constantly asking, almost complaining: Why is it so hard? Even as I’m writing this, it seems so obvious. I’ve heard and said to others many times that being a Christian is hard, it’s not meant to be easy. So, why has it been such a theme throughout my journaling? For me, this reflects an inner desire to put myself first, to live a Christian life that is convenient for me, to use God in a way to make myself look better.
As I try to reconcile what I’m reading in Psalm 23 and in my journal, there seems to be a fairly obvious disconnect. Instead of seeing God as the Author and Initiator, I try to place myself in that role. I can freely confess that so often the reality of Psalm 23 is not the reality in my own life. At this point, I wish I had more of a resolution, but I don’t. I am, again, simply hopeful for how God will continue to work.