By: Janet Sio and Jeremy Ng
“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love” – Romans 8:38
It’s pride month and I’m struggling with what to write. I want to write something to support and affirm the LGBTQ+ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, and the range of gender and sexual identities) community, even those who may be within our church. But what do I, a straight male, have to say about this? Is it even my place to do so? I only have a few friends who identify differently but I certainly don’t understand it all.
But, we need to start somewhere, so here’s what I know:
LGBTQ+ youth face approximately 14 times the risk of suicide and substance abuse than their heterosexual peers.
25-40% of homeless youth identify as LGBTQ+: in Toronto, that’s 2,000 a night.
In the US, it was only last week that a decision was made by the Supreme Court to protect LGBTQ+ workers from job discrimination.
The biggest fear for youth coming out is the fear of rejection by their parents. For many youth, it’s not only that their parents said, “don’t be gay,” but it’s the little things that create this fear. It’s the lack of having any friends or play dates with families who are LGBTQ. It’s the pressure to have an opposite-sex partner. It’s pulling your child out from school when they have sex-ed classes about those who have a different gender and sexual identity.
I know as fear, misunderstanding, and even in some cases, disgust and hate, exists in our churches, it has continued to do tremendous harm to many. Even for those LGBTQ+ Christians who choose to stay in a church community, it’s a struggle, never really knowing if they are a true part of the community or not, constantly having their faith questioned. There are stories after stories of LGBTQ+ Christians who had committed to a church community because they were told they would be safe. Except that as they came out, they were relegated to a status of “second-class” Christian or not welcome at all for fear of what it might mean for the rest of the community.
And yet, the more I read the Bible, the more I wonder and question if what we have traditionally been taught is right. I hope that as we try to faithfully live out our interpretation of Scripture, we look at the gospel as a whole and not just bits and pieces. From what I see in the welcome that Jesus offers, I see the hospitality that we are called to and wonder if it’s possible that the boundaries we have created are meant to be broken. I hear the call to new ways of living that bring life and not fear. I wonder what that could look like in our community. I wonder what it would mean to truly believe that LGBTQ+ individuals are wonderfully and fearfully made, to love and support them in the relationships and community they create. I am excited to discover and hear what our LGBTQ+ siblings might reveal to us about living in God’s kingdom knowing they are created in the Image of God. I can only imagine that as we move out of fear, we are free to discover a loving, inclusive kingdom of God that is meant for all.
#pridemonth
HEY JANET. I know this is something you have processed and questioned, especially as you have expanded your community to include those who are from the LGBTQ+ community. What has that process been like for you? What was important for you to remember?
It’s been a long process to come to a point where I am not just looking at what “Scripture” says about LGBTQ issues, but a) how that is supposed to look in everyday interactions with neighbours, colleagues and friends outside of the “churched” community as well as b) balancing what else Scripture says about the greatest commandment of “loving your neighbour”.
When my son was in primary school, one of his friends had two mothers. Having grown up in the church environment, I was familiar with the traditional and typical “Christian perspective” that was taught using Scripture as evidence, but was unsure of how this perspective looked like in practice. So, I struggled with what to say to my son about his friend’s family arrangement; even more so knowing that children often speak without filters and that whatever I told him, could have been repeated unwittingly to his friend.
In the end, I remember being honest with him and telling him what the traditional Christian response was, but I was weary of judging other people’s relationships (especially those between people who loved and were committed to each other) as several of my Christian friends were going through issues of marital infidelity and divorce at that time. With this in mind, my final response to my son was, “The most important thing to celebrate about his friend, was that he was in a loving, stable home with two parents that were devoted to his well being and faithful to each other.”
One of our former small group members had been going through a process of discovering his own sexual orientation and he eventually felt that going to his church was an “unsafe” environment for him because of the condemnation of the sin of homosexuality that had been preached from the pulpit; any trust that he may have put in his church community to talk openly about his personal struggles was broken at that point. As a result, our small group was one of the last places that connected him to a Christian presence. Our small group became the “safe place” for everyone to come together, free of judgement to talk about internal struggles and broken relationships, and what the practice of living Scripture looked like. That weekly time was not a time to judge or attempt to make anyone “repent” of their sin, but was a time where our group walked with each other, prayed with each other, and most of all, listened to each others’ joys and struggles. Our group developed a strong, deep bond as we accepted each other and opened ourselves to be “witnesses” in each other’s lives. Differing opinions were no longer threats but a way to engage in personal and spiritual growth for ALL involved in this space.
A friend once said, “The church has spent so much time and effort hurting the LGBTQ community. I want to counter that message and be the Christian face that loves and embraces them,” and as I continue reflecting on this in my everyday interactions, my hope for us —myself, my son, and our church— is to learn how to be a friend to everyone and anyone, irrespective of whether someone identifies as a Christian or not; that we would emulate the love of Christ to others so that others would see it without ever having to say explicitly that we are Christian.
THANKS JANET. I appreciate you sharing your story of learning what it means to love your neighbour. May we all continue to grow in love.
You might have some questions so here are a few places to start:
Mihee Kim-Kort – Outside the Lines: How Embracing Queerness Will Transform Your Faith